Friday, January 6, 2012

What Would Collin Do?

What would Collin do is a phrase I came up with to remind me to remain calm. Sounds like I have emotional I'll explain.
C has an endless amount of patience. He rarely gets flustered and seems to maintain a harmonious peaceful state of mind all the time. It's one of the things I admire most about him. His side of the family all possess the same easygoing attitude, so I don't know if it's an inherited or learned quality. Regardless, patience seems a bit difficult to come by for me sometimes. (So I have ONE that so bad?!) I'm just a bit more of a feisty person then my better half. The extra infertility drugs don't help my cause any either. With respect to our lack or control of patience, I have comically coined the phrase 'What Would Collin Do?' to remind myself to remain calm during these tense infertility moments.
My ultrasound appointment was on Thur at 10 am. I worked T-TH from 7p-7a. Despite my best efforts, I could not get the appt earlier. I've been having one hell of a period this time around so I've been feeling quite crummy and obviously I was tired. I usually come home, shower and hop into bed by 8 am when working nights. Obviously a 10 am appt throws a wrench into my routine.
However, despite the imposing issues, I sucked it up and went in to Dr. Doody's office with a moderately positive attitude at 9:50 am. C had obligations at work so I was flying solo. I told myself I was going to remain calm despite the difficult situation. WWCD. I was all over it.
I had by labs drawn within 5 minutes and I thought I'd be heading to the ultrasound room (this is the Doody routine), but the room was still occupied so I had to resume my seat in the waiting area. I dutifully waited in the waiting area until 10:30 am, but when a couple was called for an ultrasound ahead of me I didn't care what Collin would do any longer. I did what exhausted Amber would do. Patience was thrown by the wayside. I knew I would be stuck waiting another 30 minutes. I started texting C and my mom like a mad woman with my rants. At 10:40 I approached the front desk and asked how long it would be and expressed my need to sleep, probably in a slightly assertive tone. By 10:45 I was brooding over my exhaustion (I'd been awake for 19 hrs at this point) and I told C I was leaving at 11 with an ultrasound or not.
Luckily I was called back at 10:56. Did the 5 minute ultrasound. The NP gave me the report of a lining of .69 and said it was thin and looked good. That was enough for me. I craved my bed. I went home and crawled into bed passing out immediately.
C got the message from the clinic in Chatt that my lining was 6.9 (they measure in mm not cm) and this was thick. What the hell?! Too thick for the next step of adding estrace to the drug mix. The MD was out of the office for the afternoon so they said they'd call with a plan the next day.
(We got the call today, but are figuring out what our next move is, so I'll update you as soon as I know.)
While I was getting my labs drawn a nurse commented, "I don't know how you work nights. That must be horrible." This statement got me thinking about all the sacrifices we have both made for this elusive baby we DON'T have. At that point, I was still in my WWCD calm state of mind or I may have screamed at her 'I work nights so I can attend all these damn appointments!! If I worked days it would mean working 7a-7p and I wouldn't be able to even try to have a baby because I couldn't make most of these freaking appointments!! Anything else in my life you want to comment on?' We need this fertility game to be over one way or another...
I'm beginning to question the integrity of Doody's office. We have been going to their office for over 3.5 years. He's performed 3 surgeries on me and countless IF treatments. The staff is wonderful. However, on our fresh IVF cycle we had measuring discrepancies of my follicles that resulted in an extra trip to Chatt. They completely missed the mark on measuring my lining this time; conversion factor aside I was told it was thin and looked fine. The office is chronically behind with their appointments; waiting an hour or more is not out of the ordinary. I had to wait an hour for a 5 minute ultrasound. Since we have been going there, their patient volume has increased substantially. It's difficult to even get a time slot for any appointment these days. A NP does the ultrasounds and she seems chronically rushed. I think they need to expand their business or stop accepting so many patients. It seems their quality of care has diminished since we starting going there and it's very disappointing on my end.
That's the ultrasound story. Now to decide what is next. Nothing is ever easy in the infertility game. I want the end of the game buzzer to sound. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. One way or another, I'm ready to be done with this entire process.


MaryMargaret said...

Sorry that the WWCD mindset failed you at your appointment. Being a fellow night-shifter, I completely feel your pain. While working nights makes it possible to get to those appointments, the corresponding sleep-deprivation is insane. It sucks that your clinics can't get their info together. Sending lots of positive thoughts your way that you can move on with your cycle!

Jill said...

When is social situations and we are feeling shy my husband and I always say what would B**** do - his outgoing brother's name.

I'm sorry you had such a trying day. I probably would not have reacted any better and you had every right to be upset about the wait and poor communication. It will be worth it when this is all done.

stick said...

I don't know what to say! I hope you get good news soon because you sure deserve it. You really have a lot on your plate. Take care it will be worth it when you get the transfer.

Amber said...

MaryMargaret-I'm glad you understand the night shift business. Thanks for your positive thoughts!!
Jill-glad to hear someone else uses the 'what would $#$% do' tactic. I think part of C being so calm is his good old calm Iowa upbringing:) Thanks for your kind words.
Stick- Thanks! I think we are about due for something positive! I'm patiently waiting...