Friday, January 4, 2013

That Whole Working Thing...

Thank you all so much for the comments on my last blog! This blogging community has been so supportive and for that, I thank you. My bad morning turned into a bad afternoon and evening...reading the encouragement from all of you meant a lot to me. THANK YOU!

On to the post I started, but didn't finish yesterday.... With the whirl of holiday prep, family coming from out of town and planning a baptism, things have been nothing short of chaotic at our house. The day we had family coming in from Wisconsin, our cat, Omar, died. We had a busy morning and sat down to a late lunch. Collin commented on Omar playing with one of his favorite toys and we both stopped at watched him for a minute. We finished lunch and went to clean up. I started walking down the hall and there was Omar, laying still. He died unexpectedly and our hearts are broken. At least he did not suffer. We adopted him 7 years ago and he saw us through so many life changes... I like to think he knew we had our family now and we would be okay. Losing our Omar, our first pet and our family member, certainly put a damper on the holidays.

Aside from losing Omar, we were able to have a great holiday. We had family in town from WI and IA. Collin was off of work for two weeks. Lots of family time!! We had the twins baptized on Christmas Eve. It took a lot of prep work to get them dressed and ready and try to avoid getting puke on their beautiful outfits. We succeeded. The church service was lovely. Prior to us doing the frozen embryo transfer, I sat in church not really listening to the sermon but rather was lost in my own thoughts and prayers. I prayed through the service to let the transfer work. I had my eyes closed at one point and I opened them to the sun cascading through one of the stained glass windows. Despite it being a cloudy day, the sun shined bright and I could feel it on my face. It felt like it was shining only on me and felt like it was meant specifically for me. Although I am not a deeply religious person, I felt like it meant something. A sign if you will. As soon as we got our positive pregnancy test, I went back to that moment in church. I'll never forget the feeling I had in that moment. Directly after the twins were baptized, we sat down in the pew and despite the rain and clouds outside, again there was a stream of sunlight shining in on us. I got the same feeling. I nudged my husband and told him to look at it. I teared up. I felt the same peaceful feeling wash over me that I felt while I prayed about our upcoming FET. It was beautiful. It had to mean something.... Our prayers have been answered and everything is going to be okay.

What a blessing to have our families with us for our first Christmas. It was very special to all of us. The twins got absolutely spoiled by their grandparents and great grandparents!! It took us hours to open gifts! Those are two lucky kids.

Now that the excitement of the holidays are over, it's time to get back to the grind. Ugh. I have been off of work for 24 weeks. Eight weeks before the twins arrived and 16 weeks with the twins. The time has come to return to work.

I work PRN at two different hospitals so I can pick my schedule. A blessing! I don't get benefits of any kind, so all 24 weeks off were unpaid. Yuck. I am incredibly lucky to have had this time off with our new family. It would not have happened without us stashing away cash in the past few years nor without my amazing husband!! We made the decision before we had kids that we wanted to avoid daycare if at all possible for a myriad of reasons. At the same time, I do not want to be a full time stay at home mom. We'd have to make some sacrifices to live long term off of one income (I have lots of family vacay's planned in my head that won't happen on one income. Um, twins are expensive AND we'd like to retire one day). I went to college for 6 years of my life so I'm going to use those degrees!! Plus, I miss the social interaction and need for critical thinking skills that come with brain has turned to mush staying at home with twin infants.

So here's the plan on the big old return to the working world: I will gradually work my way up to about 15-20 hours per week depending on how things are going at night with the babies (the husband needs to get sleep since he's the breadwinner in this family). I'll be working evening shifts and some night shifts. Once the babies are sleeping through the night and have more predictable schedules I'll be able to pick up more hours. Local churches have a mother's day out program twice a week that I'd like to get the kids into once they are older as well. That will give me the opportunity to pick up more hours too. While I'll be working, I'll still be able to stay home.

It will mean some sacrifices on both our parts. I will be tired because I can't be in bed by 9 p.m. My husband will be on his own to get the kids to bed by himself some nights. We'll get less time to spend together as a family because I'll be picking up some weekend hours. However, this is what we think will work for us. It is worth the lack of sleep to keep the kids at home with us. 

I'm torn over how I feel about my work return. Part of me is filled with trepidation. Part of me is looking forward to getting out of the house. We've been living in a bubble of sorts and things are about to change! 

I feel like, in terms of returning to work, I get to have my cake and eat it too. I'm incredibly lucky to be able to work some and yet stay at home. I'm very thankful we do not have to place our kids in daycare this young. My husband is beyond amazing for allowing this to happen; I hope the babies will behave for him!! I only hope the transition goes smoothly....


Jen said...

You are brave to stay home for that many hours!! Good for you though for having so much flexibility with your work situation that you can make it work that way. Yeah, having them in daycare so young makes me sad, but if I were to stay home with them, I would have to have Liam home too ($$-wise), and that just isn't feasible!

Nichole said...

So sorry to hear about your cat. Pets are like family members and that is always such a hard thing to go through! Thanks for sharing the ray of sunshine story. That warms my heart and I really feel that it was a sign. I definitely believe in that. And it gives me hope too. Best of luck transitioning back to work.

Charlotte said...

I'm so sorry to hear about Omar! Sounds like things have been pretty tough lately and I really admire your ability to get through it all and find the peaceful moments in all the craziness.