Years ago when I was walking around with two babies growing in my belly I had fantasized what life would be like after their arrival. Before babies I was working full time nights as a Respiratory Therapist. I was giving up my FT night hours to stay home with the babies. I was ecstatic about the transition! I pictured endless play dates with new mom friends. I thought I'd be running errands without makeup, my hair up and two littles in tow. I could foresee coffee dates and gossip about mom life with my fellow mom friends. I pictured an easy transition to staying home and thought it was going to be the best thing ever!
Well, here we are 2.5 years post the twins arrival. Reality has set it. I am still staying home with the twins, but the stay at home mom life is not as glorious as I pictured it to be. I have a few mom friends, but none that I would call best friends. I couldn't call them up and be comfortable having them over to my messy house at any time. I am certainly not out breezily running errands or chatting up friends at a coffee shop.
Taking the kids on a play date means I have to keep a close eye on Evan because he is in a 'does not share well with others' phase. Both of my kids are energetic. VERY energetic. They are always the wild kids. ALWAYS. I have always left play dates feeling frustrated from my kid's behavior. These two have a zest for life. I love it most of the time, but taking them out places alone can be challenging. They are always the most energetic kids in group settings and I always feel the other moms are judging me. Come on, they are 2!
All of this being said, I do not sit at home with them. We go out all the time. I have made plans with friends and met them out, but honestly, I'm so busy chasing my kids around I barely have time to chat with the other moms. I find it is much easier to just head out on an adventure with the 3 of us. I can chat a little with other moms that are out, but I don't feel the need to talk the entire time we are out. I find this frustrating, but I haven't found any moms I've really connected with who also stay home with their kids.
Was I dreaming too much about how wonderful mom life would be? Whenever we go out, it seems there are always groups of moms hanging out chatting. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one in some of these places without a friend. I guess I feel lonely sometimes staying home. I thought we'd be out hanging out with other moms more. Maybe I'm putting too much emphasis on this. Maybe it is something that will happen as the kids grow up and need less of my attention.
Whenever I should have 20 minutes to myself it never fails, one of the kids will wake up early from a nap... ah!!! I've been trying to write this for over a week, so although it's not really finished I'm going to go ahead and hit publish!!