Friday, September 16, 2011

Stay Classy Knoxville {Unless You Have a SHG}

Who cusses in a physician's office? Apparently this girl.
Let me explain. I was originally supposed to have a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) performed pre-IVF cycle. A what?! Doesn't matter...basically the most uncomfortable x-ray you could imagine. I Googled this procedure and let's just say I was thankful they prescribe Valium for it. Collin was originally going to be in Germany when I had to have it done, but I decided I could put on my big girl panties and get through it on my own.
The IVF MD, Dr Scotchie (how fun is that name?) decided I could get a Sonohysterogram (SHG) instead; a much more tolerable procedure per my Google search. Collin was NOT going to be in Germany after all. I was scheduled to work the night before and night of my appt, but my understanding boss let me get out of the shift after my SHG. WINNING!
Appointment day. I got lost on the way there. I've been going there for 3 years (and living in Knoxville 4 years) and I got lost. Traffic was horrible and I thought I'd try out a new short cut. Bad idea. I ended up by Collin's work and had to call him for directions.
We both arrived in the office and waited for my name to be called so we could get this over. We waited 20 minutes and I started to get restless. We waited 30 minutes and I started to get crabby. We waited 45 minutes and I thought I might scream. We waited 60 minutes and Collin was wondering if it was too late to hop a plane to Germany. *bless his heart for his patience!!*
FINALLY! My name! I get in the ultrasound room...the nurses don't even have to tell me how to prep for the ultrasound anymore. Been there, done that. Dr Doody comes in and I assume the position. At the risk of keeping this PG, let's just say it was extremely uncomfortable for my prudish self. After 2 attempts of trying to find my cervix he commented that I was “too tense.” Really?! I responded with “well, this isn’t all that comfortable.” After 2 more attempts of cranking a speculum every which way (or so it felt) he asked if I could use the restroom to empty my bladder in attempt to make this easier.

I got up and ran down the hallway with a paper sheet barely covering my ass. The office was closed, we were the only ones there, but still….classy. I thought I was going to lose it in the bathroom…I felt the tears coming on. I just wanted this over…

Back into the anti-prude position and back at! After a few more attempts with the nurses assistance, he found my cervix. Next thing I know, I am experiencing unbearable pain and I felt the urge to kick Dr Doody in the face. Since this wasn't a viable option, I dropped a JC bomb under my breath and tried to breath. I looked over at Collin in my desperation and thought I mouthed an F bomb to him; much to my surprise, Collin later told me it was indeed an audible F bomb. Classy.

We finished up the procedure, which thankfully, resulted in a “normal” uterus. Ha! “normal” although seemingly hostile because we’ve been working over 3 years trying to get that thing knocked up and she resists every opportunity!

After the procedure, Dr Doody apologized for the pain. He had to use a more rigid catheter to get to my cervix since it takes an odd angle to get to it and the catheter apparently was inadvertently flung into my cervix. I now know what it feels like to have a catheter flung into a cervix and I wouldn’t recommend it.

The fun loving couple who appears to be sophisticated and yuppie-ish on the surface surprised the MD and RN by dropping a few curses. I think I had every right to cuss given the circumstances. Maybe not my classiest move, but what’s a girl to do when a catheter barrels into her cervix?

It was not a fun procedure, but it's over. Nothing a few ibuprofen, phone call to my mom, foot rub from Collin and a Land Shark couldn't fix.

Thus concludes the final test pre-IVF. Let’s do this thing!!

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