I've been intentionally AWOL from the blogging community. When I got my BFP I was beyond ecstatic. Slowly, the doubts and worry have managed to creep in and blot out a lot of my happiness. I know all too well what it's like to have an ultrasound without a heartbeat. I've been in my own little world trying to patiently wait for the ultrasound..."trying" being the operative word.
I think this whole thing reminds me of dating... You know when you first start dating someone and you realize you are head over heels into them, but you are unsure if they feel the same way so to avoid being labeled a creeper you don't profess your feelings? You just keep seeing this person and hope they feel the same way about you. You want the relationship to last. Well, that's how I feel right now. I'm head over heels at the thought of being pregnant, but I am afraid to be too happy because I don't know if this will work out. I'm putting my feelings on a shelf trying to stay sane.
We've been trying to take a baby home for over 3.5 years. I've been trying to get pregnant since I miraculously managed to get pregnant on an injection/IUI cycle over 2 years ago. I'm thrilled to be able to think, 'I am pregnant.' I only hope it lasts.
As far as symptoms go, I definitely have a 'she drank too many beers' belly thing going on even though I haven't gained a pound. I've been a sleeping fanatic. I can't manage to make it through a 12 hr night shift without catching a little shut eye. I have felt crummy on and off, but nothing too remarkable. Yesterday was my first bout of real nausea since a few days post the transfer. I was in the middle of feeding our dog, Miles, his dinner when I had to make a mad dash to the bathroom. My stomach was empty so I only dry heaved. Really, that's it. I wish I was feeling nauseous all the time because I think I'd feel slightly less paranoid.
So here I am, waiting. I have no idea what next week will bring. I just hope this pregnancy continues...I'm not ready for it to end!
6 comments:
Going through this, we all know the things that can go wrong. We also know all the things that can go right! Stay positive and enjoy all the moments right now. Thinking of you and sending positive vibes your way :)
I'm thinking good things are ahead for you. You make a good analogy with the dating thing. It's hard not to start thinking of the future you will have with this other person. But, like in dating, it's good to live in the moment and enjoy if for what it is.
Waiting would be so hard, but with two embryos and such good betas I'm sure you are well on your way!! Wishing the best for you two :)
I know exactly how you feel. I was convinced that we'd drive 4 hours to our clinic, and have nothing on the ultrasound. It's a self-protective mechanism. Sometimes it feel like the whole pregnancy will be a series of moments where things could go horrible wrong. But I just know that this is going to be good- with a heartbeat or two!
Best of luck at your ultrasound. The first few weeks after a bfp are torture.
I am sending my positive thoughts your way because I feel all is going to be perfect this time around. I can't wait to hear the excitement in your voice after you have the ultrasound.
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