I've been intentionally AWOL from the blogging community. When I got my BFP I was beyond ecstatic. Slowly, the doubts and worry have managed to creep in and blot out a lot of my happiness. I know all too well what it's like to have an ultrasound without a heartbeat. I've been in my own little world trying to patiently wait for the ultrasound..."trying" being the operative word.
I think this whole thing reminds me of dating... You know when you first start dating someone and you realize you are head over heels into them, but you are unsure if they feel the same way so to avoid being labeled a creeper you don't profess your feelings? You just keep seeing this person and hope they feel the same way about you. You want the relationship to last. Well, that's how I feel right now. I'm head over heels at the thought of being pregnant, but I am afraid to be too happy because I don't know if this will work out. I'm putting my feelings on a shelf trying to stay sane.
We've been trying to take a baby home for over 3.5 years. I've been trying to get pregnant since I miraculously managed to get pregnant on an injection/IUI cycle over 2 years ago. I'm thrilled to be able to think, 'I am pregnant.' I only hope it lasts.
As far as symptoms go, I definitely have a 'she drank too many beers' belly thing going on even though I haven't gained a pound. I've been a sleeping fanatic. I can't manage to make it through a 12 hr night shift without catching a little shut eye. I have felt crummy on and off, but nothing too remarkable. Yesterday was my first bout of real nausea since a few days post the transfer. I was in the middle of feeding our dog, Miles, his dinner when I had to make a mad dash to the bathroom. My stomach was empty so I only dry heaved. Really, that's it. I wish I was feeling nauseous all the time because I think I'd feel slightly less paranoid.
So here I am, waiting. I have no idea what next week will bring. I just hope this pregnancy continues...I'm not ready for it to end!