Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Life Lately

It's hard to believe the holidays will soon be upon us. Although I've been going through the motions, this time of year seems to be a bit difficult. I suppose it is for anyone going through infertility...

The company my husband works for hosts an angel tree for Christmas through the Salvation Army. It has tags for a bunch of children in the area who are in need (many foster kids). The children write their clothing sizes, shoe size and one big wish for Christmas. The idea is to buy the child one complete outfit (shirt, pants, shoes, socks, underwear, coat etc.) and at least one toy (hopefully you can get them the one big item they wished for).
Last year was our first time taking part in the angel tree. We were both shocked to see how many of Collin's co-workers took part making children's Christmas dreams come true. There were a lot of big items people generously purchased-lots of bikes! We felt the need to spread some Christmas cheer again this year, so we set aside a random night during the week and headed to Target to spoil our angel kid named Faith. (I thought the name was a bit ironic given our circumstances.) Anyway, Faith is an 11 year old girl who's Christmas wish was makeup and hair accessories. To think of all things a kid could wish for, (last year our kid wanted a digital camera) Faith merely wanted makeup and hair accessories. Out of anything she could have asked for, she asked for something simple most 11 year old girls already have and probably take for granted. We were both moved and felt the need to spoil this girl for Christmas! We wandered through Target picking out items for our angel, feeling blessed to be able to help someone in need. I have no idea where she is or when she will get her gifts, but I sincerely hope she loves them! I hope we have a positive impact on this little girl and I hope making her Christmas wish come true makes her have an amazing Christmas. Below is a pic of what we bought. Merry Christmas Faith!!!

Aside from this, we've been discussing our next infertility battle: the frozen transfer. We had intended to do the transfer in Jan, but now that the date is approaching, we've both had cold feet. It is incredibly nice to live your life and not worry about your next appointment, injection or pill to swallow. I enjoy not having to shoot myself up with all these medications that make me feel slightly insane (Collin may claim they make me seem certifiably insane). No matter how you cut it, the process takes over your life and you don't feel like yourself.
Here's my (crazy) thought process: I want to enjoy being my 'normal' hormone free self a little longer (I can't fully express how AMAZING it truly is). I've been picking up a bunch of hours at work (bc I don't have to center my work schedule around infertility appts) and the extra money is so nice! We've been training for a 5k (it's going well and we're in week 3 in case you were wondering) and I'd like to continue to run and get in shape. All of these things make me want to delay the transfer.
On the other hand, I'm so freaking tired of waiting to get pregnant, I don't want to wait any longer! I have some friends who want to come visit in Feb and I'd much rather spend *much needed* girl time with them and not have to run off to throw my legs in stirrups for an appointment. I've already left myself a light work schedule in Jan in anticipation of upcoming appointments. My last IVF experience was so horrific, I'm hesitant to jump into any more treatment, but I know a frozen cycle is much easier then a fresh cycle.
The list goes on and on. We have come to the conclusion that there is never a good time to do IVF. Life is busy, things get in the way and that's just the way it is.
I called the clinic today to get a schedule for a transfer in January. I need to get the next round of drugs and figure out what a frozen transfer entails. I received a call from a nurse this afternoon and she let me know the MD would have a complete calendar for me tomorrow.
I'm working tomorrow, so of course I won't be able to take the phone call, but I'll be checking my phone like a mad woman every time I have a break.
Here's to 2012!


MaryMargaret said...

I understand exactly how you feel. IVF is inconvenient, and it's so hard to be spontaneous and just enjoy things when you're on a very rigid timed med/injection schedule! I hope your FET goes well in January, and will keep you guys in my prayers!

MaryMargaret said...

Also, I'm sure Faith will love her gifts! What an awesome thing to be able to give to a child who has nothing, and wants simple things that we take for granted!

Nichole said...

It is such a hard thing to go back into. I went through the box of meds again last night and can't believe I'm doing this again. I don't blame you for wanting to enjoy just being normal right now. Our reason for doing it ASAP is because this time of the year is the slowest for me for work and also because we are generally home more during the winter so the 7 pm injections don't disrupt much. Curious what meds you will have to take. Each clinic seems to be so different.

stick said...

You have had a difficult journey. I am proud of the way you and Collin have handled every card you have been delt, with class and dignity. You both always manage to rise above all the difficulties you have faced. I just want to let you know that someone does think about your baby and that devistating December day 2 years ago. I also reflect quietly on days such as mother's day and in July about that little someone that is missing. My 1st grandchild I never got to meet. Please understand you and Collin are always in my thoughts and prayers. You are never alone, God is always with you. Have faith that you will be greatly rewarded. Your decision to continue is the correct one. I look forward with excitement to you continuing your journey. I feel optimistic and saved the picture of the frozen embryos. I look at them often as they fill me with hope and wonder that is yet to come. Enjoy the holidays because I believe your little angel is watchIng you from heaven and wants you to be as happy as he/she is.

Faith wiill be happy and have a wonderful Christmas. Think of all the joy she will have on Christmas day thanks to both of your and Collins loving efforts to bring her happiness.

stick said...
This comment has been removed by the author.