Friday, March 1, 2013

The Calming Father Effect

Happy Friday!! I'm contemplating going private with my blog. For a while I was getting lots of spam comments on certain posts so I changed my commenting. Now, I noticed I'm getting hits from a porn site! Ewww!! Why would that happen? Will you still follow me if I go private? I love the support I have gotten on here and I don't want to lose it. If I go private, I will be able to post way more info. I'm always apprehensive about what I'm putting out there right now because you just never know who is reading.

My name is Amber and I am an anti-dentite. I loath the dentist. Having to go to the dentist, even for a routine cleaning, gives me extreme anxiety. It gets to the point that I think about it a lot in the days prior to the appointment and have trouble sleeping the night before. (Do you think I could ask him to prescribe me anti-anxiety meds?) I've had no major medical work done. I only have had cavities. Never even braces or anything like that. Why do I have such a fear? I think my fear stems from the dentist I went to as a kid. He was very critical and would use scare tactics to convince me my teeth would fall out if I didn't floss every day and brush after every meal. I do floss. I do brush. I have nice teeth. I don't know if it's from him or what, but I dislike going.

I had a cleaning this week. Thankfully we have been able to find a dentist in TN that we both like. I am VERY picky about my dentists. I HATE being lectured. The dentist we see has a very dry sense of humor and I guess I do as well, and the one time I had cavities filled by him we were cracking jokes the whole time. Despite liking our dentist (I've tried a lot of dentists out over the years and ditched them all), I still don't like the dentist. I think you get my point by now....time to move on!

My appointment was in the morning so C could stay home with the babies while I was gone. I went in and had my cleaning-NO CAVITIES! and came home. My cleaning was at 9:00 and I was in and out within 30 minutes. Maybe it's just because I live in the South, but I get raving reviews about my teeth these days. It's a bit of a self esteem booster. If you don't feel great about your teeth, move to the South!! I've never gotten so much praise about my teeth..

I got home around 9:45 and Evan was still sleeping. Yes. That's right. He got up around 6 to eat and went back to sleep and was still asleep when I got home at 9:45. Are you kidding me? My husband had Ella up, bathed and dressed. He did some laundry and started our taxes. He said it was 'easy.' Ughhhh!!!

I am fairly certain I swore when I cam home and heard he how easy everything was. C claimed that Evan was still asleep and Ella was all smiles because of his overall calming attitude. Ha!! I swore again at this statement. That man is calming as he does it, I don't know. I wish I could bottle that up and sell it!! 

Some days are a struggle for me... I don't want the babies to have a horrible morning, but it would be nice if they would have been a tad fussy so he could get a taste of what I deal with on a day to day basis. I get frustrated because I struggle some days and I complain to C about it and I often say that 'he doesn't understand' because he's not here all day. I hate using that line 'you don't understand' but I'm not sure how to convey my feelings in another way... He always says he doesn't claim to know how difficult it is and does his best to understand my feelings, but he just doesn't know... Unless you are in the weeds with two babies, I don't think you can really grasp how frustrating the situation can be.

I swear, every time he is alone with the babies, things go smoothly. On one hand, this is great because I feel better about leaving them with him. On the other hand, I would like for him to struggle (just once!) so he could get a better sense of why I have a difficult time some days.  Does this make sense? Am I a bad person for thinking this?

Maybe it is his overall calming disposition or maybe he is just damn lucky. When he left to go to work, Evan woke up instantly and was in a full on demanding mood. Go figure!! I don't know how he does it....

In other news, I'm pulling out of my slump. I scheduled a hair appointment for myself and I'm chopping off my hair! I figured a change is exactly what I needed! I LOVE getting my hair's such a relaxing experience for me. Goodbye shoulder length hair!

Have a great weekend everyone!!


waiting and wishing said...

I often feel like going private too- it would be nice to know exactly who was reading and feel comfortable posting any picture I wanted without going back a couple of days later and removing them. Buuuut, I also love the idea of someone searching for infertility/twin parenting advice when they REALLY need it and finding me-- maybe someday.
I think the disposition of the parent plays a HUGE part in the way kiddos act. When I have the boys they are generally (I'm going to regret saying this!) calm, but when my more nervous husband has them I think they can sense it and it is overall a more difficult/fussy/needy time for everyone involved.

Shannon said...

I know how you feel--sometimes the twins are super fussy all afternoon and just before daddy gets home, they calm down. And he wonders why somedays I get nothing done and others I'm a rock star! :) it's all part of learning and enjoying the twins.

Jen said...

As Waiting and Wishing said, I think the babies can sense that has less patience in general, and act up more for him. Or maybe he just tells me that to be dramatic. They CRIED THE WHOLE TIME YOU WERE GONE! Well, they're babies. That's what they do :)
It would be kind of infuriating if they acted great for him though!

I will still read if you go private. I am frankly just too lazy to go private myself!

Mrs. F said...

I've thought about going private too. I have kept my blog fairly anonymous but would love to post pictures of my little guy for you to see. I blog for myself, but more and more I'm feeling like I don't want to put it all out there for the world to see. If I went private I would actually feel like I could be more open with my blogging. Do what's right for you. If you go private I will still follow you, but I will have to log in to see your stuff. Kind of a pain when I'm on my phone, but worth it. As it is I have to log in if I want to leave a comment anyway.

As to the calming father effect I totally get your feelings. I went snowshoeing with friends a few weeks ago and it actually was nice to come home and find that Mr. F had to drive around for an hour just to get H to take his nap. Now he knows why I don't get much done during the day.

Jules said...

What the F, babies? Why the ganging up on Mommy but not on Daddy? I sense a conspiracy! Not fair! I think your husband just has dumb luck.

Of course I will follow you if you go private, which I highly recommend. Sure it's a pain in the arse to add each individual follower to your private settings, and your blog won't refresh in people's blogrolls or their readers, but I personally think it's totally worth it for peace of mind. The last thing you want is some creep putting your babies photos on some porn website. People can be really sick!

Love the Seinfeld reference! You're an anti-dentite!!! LOL!

Charlotte said...

Anti-dentite! You know, I became a dentist just for the jokes... (side note: I am actually not a dentist. Also, you should absolutely talk about anti-anxiety meds ahead of time, I've been to dentists that offered that to nervous patients.)

I totally understand about going private and I'll still follow you if you do!

Jill said...

I would still follow you! So many times I have come home to two sleeping babies and husband playing video games. So many. Also H and husband have a deal worked out where he only poops when he has just left for work or right before he gets home. And when H poops its an event - at least a four wipe kind of diaper and usually a costume change. Not fair.

Jen said...

I just remembered that when I lived in GA and went to the dentist, they also highly praised me. You're totally right, must be a thing in the South! Weird.

Nichole said...

A new hair style always feels awesome! Hope you enjoy the pampering time :)

Jules said...

Confession: Sometimes I save your comments on my blog in my inbox so I can read them over and over again later because it makes me feel better.