Saturday, November 12, 2011

Cancelled Transfer

In case you haven't gathered from the posts my husband wrote on my behalf, I've been quite ill. I now know what it's like to have Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome and let me just tell you, it's not fun. I experienced the worst OHSS has to offer. According to the U.S. National Library of Medicine, in terms of experiencing OHSS-

In rare cases, women can have more serious symptoms, including:

  • Significant weight gain (more than 10 pounds in 3 - 5 days)

  • Severe pain or swelling in the abdomen

  • Decreased urination

  • Shortness of breath

I had ALL FOUR of these symptoms. It was horrible. I now know what it feels like to gain 17 pounds of fluid in 2 days in my abdomen (I looked 6 months pregnant no joke). I know what it feels like to not being to get out of bed by myself. I know what it feels like to be nauseous and puking for 3+ hours. I know what it's like to not eat for 4 days. I know what it's like to feel so ill you can't get out of bed for 6 days. I could go on and on with these, but I think you get the picture. I WAS F%@#$&@ MISERABLE (profanity necessary to clarify the level of miserableness I experienced).
To pick up where Collin left off, we went back to Chattanooga (we made a total of 5 trips in 8 days) on Monday and had another paracentecis done. The MD let C come back into the OR to watch this one-I'm very thankful I was asleep. They drained off another 2.5 Liters of fluid. I recovered and we went home. We started Lovenox injections (my labs showed I had an increased risk of a blood clot) and Cabergoline (to get rid of the OHSS) along with anti-nausea and pain meds. I woke up throughout the night Monday night to urinate 6 times. I lost 5 pounds overnight! I was actually able to get out of bed (other then to pee or puke) for the first time in 6 days.
I continued the urinating ritual throughout the day and night Tuesday and Wednesday nights and continued to shed pounds daily. Collin's birthday was on Thursday and we managed to go out to eat that night. It was a big outing for me! Finally, today, 10 days post retrieval I am feeling normal. It has been a very long journey for us. We're finally feeling back to normal...
Words cannot express how thankful I am to have Collin in my life. He diligently drove me back and forth to Chattanooga, ran to the pharmacy (they constantly were adding meds), made numerous phone calls to the MD, RN and family, tended to my every need and never complained once. The man is amazing. I love him so much!
Also, shout out to the staff at Tennessee Reproductive Medicine! One of the RN's gave us her personal cell phone number the day of the transfer and told us to call her with any issues. Once we were experiencing issues, the MD also gave her cell phone number to us. They were in regular contact with Collin and provided excellent advice and guidance in our time of need. I couldn't be happier with the support they offered.
So now what? We had amazing embryos that developed beautifully (10 were of the highest grade possible), but since I was incredibly sick we made the decision to freeze the embryos. There wasn't really much of a decision to be made, it's what the MD highly advised and we didn't see any reason to go ahead with the transfer. Transferring the embryos would make the symptoms of OHSS stay for even longer. We have 14 beautiful embryos frozen and waiting for us. We got to see the embryologist most days (since we were in the clinic anyway) so she gave us updates face-to-face and she was always beaming over how well the embryos were doing.
We decided to wait for a few months before we pursue a transfer. I want to feel 100% when we do the transfer and we don't want to be stressed about the holidays so we're probably going to wait until January.
This means another holiday season without any exciting news. I'm disheartened by this, but I know it's for the best. We were pregnant in Oct '09 and I was thrilled about the news and spending time with family over the holidays (our family all lives far away-in WI and IA-so we don't get to see them but a few times a year). Since I miscarried in early December, all my blissful thoughts and dreams of the holiday season we were supposed to have was ripped away. Instead I spent the holidays with family who didn't know what to say to either one of us and both of us felt empty and alone. All I have wanted since this is to be pregnant and to experience what was stolen from us. We'll have yet another holiday season spent without the news I so desperately want to share.
Infertility is a cruel game. It seems like there are so many set backs and let downs. Very rarely is there anything positive. I feel like we are ALWAYS waiting for's never my freaking time! As much as I want to be negative, for my sanity and the sanity of my favorite guy, I can't dwell on all the negative things we have been through or I honestly probably won't get out of bed ever again. I know it sucks and it's not fair, but I need to put on my big girl panties and suck it up. We have 14 amazing embryos on ice-we have pictures and they are beautiful!!
That pretty much sums it up. 10 days of hell. Finally over the hump and feeling normal. Life goes on.
2011 has been a shitty year. I'm over it. Bring on 2012!!!


Jill said...

Yay! You're back. Not yay for all that you've been through. I hope you continue to recover and prepare for that transfer. Next year will be a good year.

Nichole said...

So glad you are starting to feel normal again. I don't blame you at all for waiting until after the holidays. Enjoy them and you WILL have good news soon!!

amiracle4us said...

So glad you are beginning to feel better :) I can only imagine the disappointment and fear you had to be feeling!!!
Hoping this time passes quickly and (OMG 14 embassies!!! that is awesome) one of those babes takes and brings you pure joy and happiness in 2012!!!

SarahMayme said...

Amber, you and Collin are so amazing, loving and strong! You are always in my thoughts and prayers. I can't wait to visit you in February!